Soooo I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and I feel the need for expression of what is going on.
So about a week ago, I had a huge amount of pain in my left side and I ended up having to go to the hospital and running a ton of tests. Basically, they found a benign tumor and cist pushing up against my left ovary and it had to be removed, I then scheduled surgery and had it taken out. However during the surgery there were complications and my ovary was taken out as well.
I literally feel empty. I am so terrified that I wont be able to have children, and I know that isn’t true, and its totally normal to be able to have children with only one ovary. That said, I am so so depressed and I feel like I’m inadequate now. Like, I am not as much of a woman anymore. Like, my future husband wont want me because I only have one ovary. I dunno. Im just not feeling good at all about anything concerning that aspect of my life.
So on top of that I also feel like i suck at my job. sooooooooo im pretty much feeling shitty and useless all around.
Honestly, i feel so out of sorts. I feel like I’ve made so much progress in the last few months, getting my life together. But in the last few days, I feel myself regressing. I am feeling so lonely I can’t even describe it. I dont want to go back to how i was before but at least I didnt feel alone ALL the time. I had some pretty good moments when i felt wanted and needed, and then of course I would go home and feel alone again but at least I had that fleeting moment.
Long Story Short, I’m lonely as fuck.
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